Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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