i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
