it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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