I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
