your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
