That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk is not a location!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
