what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
