Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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