dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm just crazy horny about you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
