YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
