your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
