i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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