When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
