I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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