I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
