Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
