I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
