discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
