Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
