I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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