I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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