Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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