worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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