There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
