I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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