I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
