The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
