HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
