i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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