Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
