he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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