I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
