I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i believe in u and ur pee
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
His nipple licking is glorious
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