So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
