so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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