look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Four minutes until I can fart!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
