Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
