I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
