Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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