yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
