Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
