I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
