So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
