This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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