Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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