Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
