I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
