Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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