I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
