We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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