No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize