I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
