He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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