i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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