He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
