Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
