I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
