You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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