my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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