she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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