Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
