I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
