I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
