Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
