I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
