i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
