I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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