Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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