TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
