the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
