Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
